How to Win Friends and Influence People

The concept of Know, Like, Love, Lead – influence people.

I can't recall exactly when was the first time I read the book. Maybe in my teens, maybe in my uni days (the early 2000s).

I repeat this book almost every year. With each reading, comes new enlightenment and neuron connection.

This is a 'how-to' book, there are 3 big concepts, Know, Like, Love.

I won't go into details, only ones that Kapows me.


Don't criticize, condemn or complain – Probably the hardest thing to do.

Where does it come from? – Comparing. Once you start comparing yourself with others, this place against that, this person against that, you're going down the spiral.

The best way to approach is to shut it. Complains will consume you.

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.



I don't often smile and I don't know why.

Ever since I read the book, I've been trying to practise my smile with my upper teeth visible. I practise every time I see the mirror.

Smile is infectious.

I see my kids playing enthusiastically, they smiled, I smiled.
We smile at the cashier, she smiles back.
We smile at strangers, they smile back.

Smiles put you in a positive mood.


If you are wrong, admit it quickly. – Nobody likes to deal with ego.

Let the other person feel that idea is theirs – Ideas are free. The prize is in the execution. It's ok when they take credit for it. It doesn't matter.

The only way to win an argument is to avoid it – Now, sometimes we look for it. We want to see the drama, the story unfolding. When stuck in a crossfire we have to pick sides. The best way is to never argue. Walk away if you must.


Begin with Praise – Thank them for the work that they've done.

Ask questions instead of giving orders – as a boss, I'm guilty of doing this too often. I want things to be done as quickly as possible. Short term ≠ long term gain.

Let them save face – Don't rub it in when it's clearly their fault. Let them answer why they pursued such paths.

While this book is clearly to help build relationships, it's the same case with business, marketing, sales, operation, customer service and HR.

It's the first book I would ever recommend to anyone when they are entering the business world.

How to Win Friends and Influence People 1
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